how did i get here?

Have you ever asked yourself, "How did I get here?"?

I actually never thought I would be in this situation. I had resigned myself to the fact that something would go horribly wrong. I haven't posted because I was using all of my strength to ensure that I stayed positive. It's sometimes more difficult to stay positive when you can write anything you want.

I stayed positive. I prayed and went to church, something I wasn't inclined to do before this whole journey began.

And now I have wonderful and exciting and terrible and scary news. All my fighting and praying and OCD obsession with the number 3 and here I am pregnant with triplets. 6w4d. All three had heartbeats. All three up on that screen and the doctor was not happy.

The risks are great. The risks are so great that I had to make a specialist appointment immediately following the ultrasound. I ruined that moment for my husband. That moment where he could scream at the top of his lungs that this had finally worked and we were having babies!!! I was absolutely distraught and scared and angry at myself. I was all that before I was happy.

I do not know what the future holds for us at this point in time, but I chose to be elated. The rest of this will all work itself out...right? I change my mind minute to minute as to how we will proceed.

The Talking Heads said, "You may ask yourself, am I right, am I wrong? You may say to yourself, my god, what have I done?"